2 Nephi 32: 4-5
If you will not humble yourself and ask for this to be made known to you, then you cannot be brought into the light. Then the only result will be to perish in the dark.
If you will follow the steps with the required real intent, acting no deception before God as you do, then you will receive the Holy Ghost. It will be unlocked to tell you what you lack and what you need to do. This inner light is a powerful source which can literally tell “you all things what ye should do.”
2 Nephi 32: 4-5
If you will not humble yourself and ask for this to be made known to you, then you cannot be brought into the light. Then the only result will be to perish in the dark.
If you will follow the steps with the required real intent, acting no deception before God as you do, then you will receive the Holy Ghost. It will be unlocked to tell you what you lack and what you need to do. This inner light is a powerful source which can literally tell “you all things what ye should do.”
2 Nephi 32: 3
“Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.”
Nephi makes these three things equal:
1. The power of the Holy Ghost to give words, which
2. Are the same as what angels would speak, which in turn
3. Are the same as the words of Christ.
Holy Ghost/words of angels/words of Christ. They are all the same as “the words of Christ” which will “tell you all things what ye should do.”
If you will “feast upon the words of Christ” then you will know “all things what ye should do.”
How do you unlock this power that potentially exists inside you? What tools have been given to us to receive access to this great inner record of truth?
Why are we given ordinances? If we will follow them and receive them, what do ordinances allow the Lord to open up for us?
You know if you are doing as you should. You cannot lie to yourself. You cannot deceive yourself about whether you will follow God with full purpose of heart, acting no deception, repenting of your sins, and with real intent. (2 Nephi 31: 13.) If you do these things there is a law irrevocably decreed which permits you to receive what is offered. (D&C 130: 20-21.) You actually know if you have offered the correct sacrifice. (Lecture 6, in Lectures on Faith discussed here.) Just as you know when you are unworthy before Him (Mormon 9: 4-5), you also know when your confidence before God grows naturally inside you and you follow the path to return to the light (D&C 121: 45-46.) It is extraordinary and even miraculous, but it is also absolutely natural.
The conditions were set before the foundation of the world and all you must do to obtain these blessings is to follow the path. You KNOW if you are in the right way. You cannot lie to God, and as we have seen in the discussion of the preceding verses, God is within you.
Do you keep the commandments? Why? Are you doing so with real intent, following the “doctrine of Christ” or just to be “seen of men?” (Matt. 6: 1, 5.) When you do these things in secret, your Father (and you) know it and then come the rewards of having your heart right with God. (Matt. 6: 4, 6.)
At the end of the long search into all the universe to find God, you will discover the search leads you back to what was inside you all along. You came from Him, and He is with you. But to find Him you must return. The scriptures and teachings of Christ are filled with this journey and the battleground has always been within you. You need to remember. The Holy Ghost, the third member of the godhead, dwells inside you, provided you will receive it.
The laws irrevocably decreed are the very principles which permeate life itself. You are not separate from this “doctrine of Christ” but a living embodiment of it. If you live it, you will prove it. You are here to be proven. (Abraham 3: 25.) What have you determined to prove with your life?
Nephi spoke in plainness to us. He could not find simpler language to describe this process. I have tried to be plain using other scriptures and language. But the great lesson can be reduced to this: Do what you have been taught. When you do it, the light will increase within you. That light is truth. It is intelligence, or light and truth, or the power of God. (D&C 93: 36.) All you must do to activate that light, gain that intelligence, and behold the glory of God is to keep His commandments. (D&C 93: 28.) If you want to receive a “fullness” then the immediate door through which you pass is to keep the commandments. (D&C 93: 20.)
Most importantly, you must “follow the Son, with full purpose of heart, acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ.” (2 Ne. 31: 13.) You alone will know if you have done this. Or rather, you and the Lord will know. When you are satisfied that there is no hypocrisy and no deception between you and God, that you have come to Him with real intent and repenting of your sins, witnessing through the ordinances (baptism and sacrament) that you will take upon you the name of Christ, then you qualify. If you do not, then you are not qualified.
I am completely satisfied that the people who gain such access, receive the blessings, or obtain a hope in Christ are ordinary people. They are not distinguished by their great intellect or powerful positions. They are typified only by the singleness of their heart and true devotion. There is not a whit of difference between what they believe and how they live. They do not excuse themselves from doing what they know to be right, even if it is painful, uncomfortable, or something they would never do on their own. They invariably do what the “words of Christ” bid them to do. No matter the price, they will follow Him; not a leader. Indeed, almost all of His servants are at odds with leadership. You know how completely He was at odds if you have read Come, Let Us Adore Him. To follow Him is to have that same contention between you and the larger religious community of any age or dispensation. Stop trying to please men and start following Christ.
I do not know what more can be said than Nephi has been saying. Let’s press on.
2 Nephi 32: 1-2
“And now, behold, my beloved brethren, I suppose that ye ponder somewhat in your hearts concerning that which ye should do after ye have entered in by the way. But, behold, why do ye ponder these things in your hearts? Do ye not remember that I said unto you that after ye had received the Holy Ghost ye could speak with the tongue of angels? And now, how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost?”
It is the program of the Gospel that communication and understanding of God’s will should be obtained through revelation. That revelation comes from contact with, and communication by, the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is able to tell you “all things.” (Moses 6: 61; Moroni 10: 4.)
You don’t need another source once you are in contact with the Holy Ghost. It possesses the “record of heaven.” (Moses 6: 61.)
Nephi is assuring us that we can come into possession of the fullness of truth by the means he has been explaining as the “doctrine of Christ.” As a central, active part of that doctrine, the line of communication between you and God is opened. It is another reminder of counsel found in Deuteronomy 30: 11-14: “For this commandment which I command thee this day, it is not hidden from thee, neither is it far off. It is not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it? Neither is it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it? But the word is very nigh unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it.”
Forget all the cultural assumptions and extras you hang on to. Leave them all behind and keep it simple:
You were a spirit before you were born. (Abraham 3: 22-28.) You were there when some were chosen to be “rulers,” or in other words, teachers. (2 Nephi 5: 19.) You have within you a spirit that was in that group. You saw and participated in what went on, and have that somewhere still inside you. It is kept from you by the “veil of flesh” now covering your spirit. (Heb. 10: 20.) Somewhere within you lies the “record of heaven.” Or more correctly, the Record of Heaven. (Moses 6: 61.) If you gain access to it, it has the capacity to teach you the “truth of all things.” (Moses 6: 61.) Within it is such an abundance of truth that the things of God are not hidden from you, neither far off. It is not in heaven, so that you ask: who will go to heaven to bring it to us. It is not beyond the sea that you should ask who can go to bring it to us? But is is very close to you, in your own mouth, in your own heart, that you can do what is asked of you. (Deut. 30: 11-14, above.)
Hence the saying of Christ that the Comforter will bring things to your remembrance. (John 14: 26.)
Christ taught the kingdom of God is within you. (Luke 17: 20-21.)
Why is it that the body is animated, with power of thought and communication, alive and vital while there is a spirit within it? But when the spirit departs, what then of the body? The power to live and breathe and move and do according to your will is gone at that point. But from whence came that power? (Mosiah 2: 21.) If it is God who is “lending you that power” then how closely are you connected to God? How immediate is His presence within you?
If you can gain access to God, will you need to go out, or will you instead need to go within?
Our minds are corrupted. I’ve spent time dealing with the corrosive influence of cultures from Babylon to today in Nephi’s Isaiah. All that must be “ground to dust” and blown away. (Daniel 2: 34-35.) That will occur within you. You are the battleground where the conflict is being fought. You are potentially the Temple of God. (1 Cor. 3: 16.)
Awake and arise! Come to yourself and realize who you are. This “doctrine of Christ” will teach you all things you must know for life and salvation. But you ought not look to another to find what you already have. You must instead repent and return to God, who is your home.
2 Nephi 31: 21
“And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen.“
This is “the way” to salvation. Nephi adds: “and there is none other way.” What does it mean there “is none other way?” Does that mean any religious system, institution, process, explanation or additional doctrine cannot save you? Is it true that you either enter in through this method or you cannot be saved? Is the purpose of the other rites, rituals, ordinances and teachings merely to bring you into this one true “way and there is none other way?” Or do you need to look for additional things, helps, ordinances, confirmations, and blessings to be conferred?
What of the other Gospel rites? They did come from God, didn’t they? How are we to understand the relationship between other ordinances, even “higher ordinances” and this “doctrine of Christ” being explained by Nephi?
Clearly the “doctrine of Christ” is intended to give you the underlying basis for all salvation. There is no other “name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God” apart from Jesus Christ. He is the one who, by His obedience and sacrifice, put power into the plan of salvation. We know this to be true from everything declared by the prophets of God. But what about “this is the way; and there is none other way.” What does that mean? Does it exclude other ordinances or processes? Does it make the Law of Moses no longer binding upon Nephi and his posterity?
Clearly following Nephi’s ministry, his descendants did not abandon the Law of Moses. (See, e.g., Jarom 1: 5; Alma 25: 15.) And so, if there is “none other way,” it did not mean that the Nephites were to abandon practice of the ordinances then in effect. Nor does it mean that we abandon the ordinances now in effect in our day.
It is not that the ordinances are essential, but that the purpose of the ordinances are essential. The underlying meaning is essential. The “doctrine of Christ” becomes possible to understand, live and receive as you follow the ordinances. They are “helps” to bring you into this correct path. You will honor them, conform to them, seek for them, in order that you may inherit the blessings of the “doctrine of Christ.”
Why are ordinances instituted? They are to bring you to the point where you inherit in your body and spirit these great blessings of the “doctrine of Christ.” They prepare you. Their effect is to qualify you, instruct you, advance you toward this goal of receiving the blessings found in the doctrine of Christ as expounded by Nephi in this chapter. Once ordinances have been adopted, it is then unlikely you can ignore them and receive what is promised by the “doctrine of Christ.” How can you refuse what is offered and still accept the underlying gift? How can you mix ingratitude and gratitude?
Is it important, therefore, to keep the ordinances intact? If changed does some of the communication involved in preparing you to receive the “doctrine of Christ” lose something?
For example, without the shedding of blood there can be no covenant. Christ’s blood is the culminating event which shed blood to activate a covenant between God and man. However, even after Christ’s sacrifice, we are still required to offer sacrifice, and even the return of animal sacrifice will happen at some point in this final dispensation. The Law of Moses was fulfilled and will not return. However, the sacrifice of blood by animals which was before the Law of Moses will return. As Joseph Smith taught: ““These [animal] sacrifices, as well as every ordinance belonging to the Priesthood, will, when the Temple of the Lord shall be built, and the sons of Levi be purified, be fully restored and attended to in all their powers, ramifications, and blessings. This ever did and ever will exist when the powers of the Melchizedek Priesthood are sufficiently manifest; else how can the restitution of all things spoken of my the Holy Prophets be brought to pass. It is not to be understood that the law of Moses will be established again with all its rites and variety of ceremonies; this has never been spoken of by the prophets; but those things which existed prior to Moses’ day, namely, sacrifice, will be continued.” (TPJS, p. 173, D.H.C 4:212)
When the penalties existed in the Temple ceremonies of our dispensation, we were reminded of the shedding of blood required for a covenant. When removed, we lose some of that memory. How would penalties involving the shedding of blood prepare people for the return of animal sacrifice? Would it help remind them that shedding blood is required to establish a covenant? Even this final Dispensation of the Fullness of Time could not be an effective covenant without the shedding of blood to seal the testament or covenant. (D&C 135: 3.)
Does the Gospel of Jesus Christ require the sacrifice of all things? (We’ve explained this before in relation to the Lectures on Faith.) If so, then how do we obtain the blessings we desire from the hand of God without being willing to make a similar sacrifice? If it is required, then how do we qualify to receive this baptism of fire spoken of by Nephi that will purge us from all sin and permit us to speak with a new tongue? How is this sacrifice made apart from the irrevocable commitment made within yourself to “endure to the end” by laying upon the altar everything you have, even your own life if necessary, to build up His kingdom? How, in a fallen world filled with sin, in a day where there is no sacrifice or consecration being made by others; how do you do that? What does the “doctrine of Christ” allow you to do without regard to the sins and errors you find all around you? Even if all the world is content to remain Telestial, or some few encourage only a Terrestrial law be followed, can you still find and live the “doctrine of Christ?” Does Nephi’s teachings require you to be anything or anyone special or noteworthy in this life? Can you do this in private, between you and God? Can you follow the “doctrine of Christ” by what you think, ponder, pray, say, do and believe?
This statement, which concludes the exposition on “the doctrine of Christ” is concluded using the names of “the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen.” Although only a few will recognize this, it is a formula used when using the sealing authority. If you are aware of this, then you would realize what Nephi has done is declared that he possesses the Patriarchal Priesthood authority, which invariably includes the power to seal. He will mention “sealing” his testimony again before he concludes. But if you know this is a formula employed in connection with this authority, you will recognize it. Within the ordinances of the church, we use this formula when baptizing and again when sealing a marriage in the Temple. All other intermediate ordinances are done “in the name of Jesus Christ.”
2 Nephi 31: 19-20
“And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save. Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. in him,
“Once on the narrow path, are you done? Have you “arrived?” Is there “rest?”
No, you are on the path, but you cannot turn back. If you even look back, you risk moving on an uneven path. (Luke 9: 62.)
You could not get this far if you hadn’t followed “the word of Christ” and therefore you can only continue by following the word of Christ along the journey.
Your path is not just based on Christ’s words, but also “with unshaken faith in Him.” What is “unshaken faith?”
What does it mean to “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ?” How would “steadfastness” be lived?
What is a “perfect brightness of hope?” I’ve defined that kind of “hope” in Eighteen Verses.
How does any person come into possession of “a love of God and of all men?” Would that come from within, or as a gift from God? Moroni prayed for the gentiles to receive grace that they might obtain charity. (Ether 12: 36.) The Lord replied that if the gentiles lack charity it would not cause any loss to Moroni, for he was saved. (Ether 12: 37.) [Once again reflecting the pessimism which the latter-day gentiles are consistently viewed by the Book of Mormon.]
Why “press forward?”
What does it mean for us to be “feasting upon the word of Christ?” Is “feasting” something more than participating in a gospel doctrine class discussion once a week? What would it require for you to “feast” upon the “word of Christ?” Is scripture study alone enough? Would you need to receive anything directly from Him to be included in the “feast?” How would that be obtained?
Did you notice once again we are reminded we must “endure to the end?” Once again, you must determine how “enduring” is to be accomplished, and what “enduring” will require.
If, however, you do these things then “behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” Notice the promise of eternal life comes from the office of “the Father.” It is because this final step comes from the authority to make you a son. His office is the only one which can declare “this day have I begotten thee.” (Psalms 2: 7.)
Don’t Over-think Things
Your mind can work at cross purposes. Remember the chapter on “Becoming as a Child” in The Second Comforter. In order to go forward you must go back. Simplicity is at the heart of God’s offer to commune with you.
2 Nephi 31: 18
This is the path to “eternal life.” It is “strait and narrow,” but it is the way to eternal life. What is eternal life?
2 Nephi 31: 17
You must “do the things which I have told you I have seen that your Lord and your Redeemer should do.” You must “follow Him.” There is no other way nor name given under heaven to obtain salvation. (Mosiah 5: 8.)
It was for this reason Nephi was “shown” these things. The Lord and His Father taught Nephi so he could in turn teach others, including us. The message was intended to save many, not just Nephi. But we must give heed to the message when we hear it.
The “gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water.” You must repent first. Then, having repented, receive baptism by water. When this is done, “then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy Ghost.”
Without the “fire” to purge the sacrifice upon the altar, it is not cleansed. It cannot become holy unless exposed to that fire.
But note – this is automatic. It is not by the laying on of hands. The laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost is not required in this teaching. Nephi, with elaboration from the Father and the Son, is teaching that this is an event that follows the process of “repentance and baptism by water.” That is, the ordinance of baptism, when accompanied by repentance and done right, is the reason for this event.
Laying on of hands is for “the gift of the Holy Ghost” so there may be a companion and guide for a person. This is an ordinance. It is also the moment one is confirmed a member of the church. But it is not necessarily co-equal with receiving “fire and the Holy Ghost” as described here. There is nothing that excludes it from being coincidental in time, however. They may happen at the same moment. That is, after baptism, and while receiving the laying on of hands, one may receive both the gift of the Holy Ghost, and also fire and the Holy Ghost. As a result one is renewed in the manner described in this chapter. They are not co-equal.
Laying on of hands does not appear to be an ordinance in the Book of Mormon until the coming of Christ in 3 Nephi. The only potential exception is found in Alma 31: 36, where Alma “clapped his hands upon them who were with him” and they received the Holy Ghost. This is similar to the Lord “breathing” the Holy Ghost upon His disciples. (John 20: 22.) They were instructed to lay on hands, and would perform that act rather than breathing upon those who were to receive the Holy Ghost. The ordinance is different from “clapping” or from “breathing” and involves the process we follow in the church today. (D&C 33: 15.)
The baptism of fire and the Holy Ghost promised here is given without man’s involvement, comes from heaven, is promised by both the Father and the Son. It is a signal of redemption, purification and holiness. It is included in the “gate” for entering into God’s presence. For God is a “consuming fire” and those who enter into that presence must be able to endure that fire. (Heb. 12: 29; see also Deu. 4: 24.) Without the capacity to do so, a person would be consumed by the flames. (Lev. 10: 1-2.) The fire and the Holy Ghost are also given as a sign to the recipient that they may know it is safe for them to enter into God’s presence and not be consumed. In earlier versions of the First Vision, Joseph described the “pillar of light” as a “pillar of fire” which gradually descended. He wondered if the trees would be consumed as it descended, but seeing they were not he thought it safe for him to be exposed to it as well. When it fell upon him, the vision opened up and he saw the Father and the Son.
Christ also entered into this glorious light on the Mount of Transfiguration. (Matt. 17: 1-2.)
We are to do as Nephi instructs, “do the things which I have told you I have seen that your Lord and your Redeemer should do; for, for this cause have they been shown unto me, that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter.”
We live below the standard Christ set for us. We needn’t. Have faith. Press forward feasting on His words. You can and will find Him there.
Spencer W. Kimball 1978
2 Nephi 31: 16
What if you see errors and mistakes all around you? Is it “enduring” to keep your mouth shut? Do you need to speak up?
Then in 1990 the True Order of Prayer was altered again, with the elimination of penalties. Thereafter the name changed to the “Order of Prayer,” rather than the “True Order of Prayer.”
Those who went through the Temple before 1990 would know about how to conduct a prayer circle involving the True Order of Prayer. But they were instructed not to do so outside the Temple. Those who went through after 1990 would not know how to conduct a True Order of Prayer circle, because they were not instructed in the Temple in anything other than the Order of Prayer.
It was still possible for those who knew the pre-1990 form to communicate the process in the Temple to others. However, recently there has begun a practice of hushing any discussions seen taking place inside the Celestial Rooms of the Temples.
It is as if those who are in control are opposed to keeping the earlier information, and working to keep it from being preserved by others. Is it “enduring to the end” to watch these changes and say nothing? Or is it “enduring” to actually endure, to preserve, to persevere against opposition and to keep as an enduring feature of the faith, information you received if you went through the Temple before 1990? Does a person who, in all sincerity before God, believes that Isaiah’s prophecy warned against this (Isa. 24: 5), “endure” if he remains silent? Or must he speak up? If so, how and to who? Which is enduring? Which is enduring to the end in following the example of the Son of the Living God? What example did Christ set in relation to this kind of a conflict? Did Christ submit, or resist authority? If He did both, how does one endure while appropriately weighing those things they will submit to, and those things they will resist?
It is for this reason we work out our salvation before God as Nephi has explained, acting no hypocrisy, with real intent, having faith in God, but also with fear and trembling. (Mormon 9: 27, also Philip. 2: 12.)
2 Nephi 31: 15
The dialogue continues. It is clear the conversation being reported by Nephi is one where both the Son and the Father spoke to Nephi, and contributed to the dialogue. A question was posed about whether Nephi heard this in connection with his vision of Christ’s mortal baptism by John the Baptist. He certainly beheld that event. (1 Nephi 11: 27.) However, the testimony and teaching of both the Father and Son regarding baptism, as reported by Nephi in this final sermon, are separate from that event. They are an independent revelation and explanation to Nephi, where both the Father and Son taught the importance of baptism.
The Lord also knows whether it is in you to “endure to the end.” Whether the end has come is irrelevant to Him. He beholds all things, past, present and future. (D&C 130: 7.) Therefore, He knows if you are willing to “endure to the end” before your life has been lived.
It is this that qualified Christ to be the Redeemer. His words are faithful and true. So are Nephi’s. The words are the Lord’s though they were delivered by a man.
2 Nephi 31: 14
Nephi first gave us his personal testimony and witness of the principles. Having done so, now he adds the testimony and promise of Christ. Christ’s promise and covenant are slightly different than Nephi’s formula. But the two are nevertheless in complete harmony.
Can an angel fall from grace? Only by being cast out of heaven. (2 Nephi 2: 17.) When an angel falls he becomes a devil. For these it would be better if they had never known Christ, for they have decided to crucify Him anew. Because after having had the Holy Spirit make great things known unto them they have turned against the Lord by their knowing rebellion against Him. (D&C 76: 35.) They are sons of perdition, and the heavens weep over them. (D&C 76: 26, 31-32.) These are they who know the battle is and always has been the Lord’s, and they either align themselves with Him or against Him.
2 Nephi 31: 13
Now we get the explanation of what it means to “follow Christ.” It is not merely the act itself, but the underlying intent of the act. To follow Him requires:
-Full purpose of heart. What does that imply or require?
The only way I can think to touch upon Nephi’s meaning is to get personal about this process. It is by how I have lived that I have come to understand Nephi’s meaning.
I remember as the missionaries were teaching me that I came to the conviction that the restoration of the Gospel had indeed happened. It was not a happy thought. I did NOT want to become a Mormon. It seemed like a terrible change to attempt to make, in what was an otherwise content life at the time. As a lifestyle some of it seemed to have merit. Not drinking, smoking and living a higher moral standard certainly made some sense to me. But the association with Mormons had no appeal to me at the time. I thought them shallow and artificial in many ways, and did not want to become immersed in a society that seemed to be either a pretense, or if not, then living a standard I could never attain.
I reluctantly accepted baptism, not because I wanted to become Mormon, but because I truly believed it was the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. However humiliating it may be to associate with a social group I had practically nothing in common, it was the right thing to do before God. I told God that I was doing this because of Him, and that I doubted I could live these standards, doubted I could be happy among these odd people, that I did not know if they were really sincere, but that I was. I intended to try to leave such sins behind as I understood I was committing, and to attempt to become part of the artificial life-form known as “Mormon.” But I doubted my capacity to continue on to the end. In all this I was absolutely sincere, but completely hopeless about what it would result in over the long run.
I was, in fact, willing to take upon me these obligations as a matter between me and God. However badly it may turn out between me and other Mormons, I expected that as between me and God it would be better than alright. I thought it would please Him.
So I was baptized.
Oddly, upon baptism things changed. A great deal, in fact. What seemed unlikely for me to be able to do under my own capacity, became almost second-nature. These people who I feared I could never fit in with became my brothers and sisters. It took a surprisingly short time and I found that what I feared most was the lightest of burdens to carry. Associating with other Mormons was delightful. I found that I loved the Mormons and I loved being one of them. It ceased to be “them” and “me” but turned into “us” and “we.”
And, by damn, we are a peculiar lot. We’re the oddest people on the planet. Peculiar doesn’t even begin to capture our quirkiness, phobias, longings, hopes, aspirations, misunderstandings, convictions, genius mixed with stupidity, juxtapositions of truth and error, traditions and deep doctrines. We’re a cacophony, really. But underlying it all is a hope that we are on the right track and a conviction that we’re going to please God even if it requires us to offend Him.
I appreciate the faith restored through Joseph at a whole different level than the one which brought me into the fold. It IS true. Abidingly and without any failing, the faith restored through Joseph is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
The sad truth is, however, that faith has not been preserved as Joseph brought it back. Even from the time I was baptized in the waning four months of President Lee’s administration until today, the faith has undergone a radical revisionism. Today it isn’t even what President Kimball presided over. It is becoming increasingly altered, bureaucratized, regimented and turning into a religious product managed by an increasingly menacing middle-management which prefers rules and regulations to the Spirit and truth. They manage it as if it is another Fortune 500 company whose product line is religion and religious paraphernalia. The Spirit increasingly withdraws from our councils, our conferences, our private as well as public conversations, because it is grieved, and not many people seem to notice as it does so.
The faith I joined still exists. But it is covered by layers of sediment making it progressively more difficult to breathe life into it. That original faith, the one that attracted me, was always meant to connect the believer to Christ. Directly, and without intermediaries. Each Saint was to be a prophet, because the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy, according to John the Beloved.
But I began this process “acting no hypocrisy” and I will finish it remaining so. My “real intent” is before God, and the resistance, opposition and criticism of men will not alter that. Indeed, it cannot. As soon as I respect the opinions of men more than the “full purpose of heart” required of me, I cease to be “willing to take upon me the name of Christ.”
I understand Nephi’s words. I live them. I cannot do otherwise at this point. It is for that reason, therefore, that I have been privileged to receive “the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost;” which has permitted me from time to time to “speak with the tongue of angels, and shout praises unto the Holy One of Israel.” It has not been easy. It is certainly not what I wanted when missionaries interrupted a content life, and introduced this inconvenient faith to a reluctant 19-year old. It was not what I expected when the journey began before baptism, nor what I thought would then follow immediately after I was baptized. I find now, as I survey the altered and altering faith practiced by the Church I belong to, there are increasingly more troubles in living and acting with:
-Full purpose of heart
But that will always remain a matter between the Father, the Lord and myself. Nephi lived these things, too. It was for that reason he understood them and was able to set them out with clarity in writing. Light and truth, which is intelligence, only come as a consequence of living it.
I will never stop being Mormon, nor forsake the faith I have accepted. I love associating with the Saints. I’m also glad to not be a part of leadership. I wouldn’t want the condemnation that accompanies leading these people in the course that we are currently set. It is better to practice the faith as I understand it, explain it to those who care to listen, support those who try to keep my ward family at peace with one another, and raise my children to respect the light and truth.
I am content. More than content, I am filled with joy and hope for what lies ahead for myself and all those who have the testimony of Jesus.